What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

When she asked me how she looked .

What is it like to use a Fleshlight?

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

If there exists a “New York of Australia”, is it Sydney or Melbourne?

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

As i do to all so called friends.?

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

Why is my ex still keeping in touch with me even though she dumped me?

So, i spoilt her more .

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

Are there any penalties for bestiality in the USA and laws prohibiting it?

I was seconnd youngest,

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

Which scene is considered the most difficult to watch in each of Quentin Tarantino's movies?

Would this be the day?

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

Is there a possibility that we are living in a simulation and that there is a concept of rebirth?

I never cut or harmed myself..

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

Why should the law care about what I do behind closed doors?

She was in good health!

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

Has any man licked his wife's vagina while another man had sex with her?

Comes on , in middle age.

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

What happens to adults with Down syndrome when their parents can't look after them any more?

All the time i was locked up.

But, we were locked up after school.

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

What methods do private investigators use to investigate someone in real life?

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

Do you suck dicks with no reciprocation?

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

Was to survive, this bastard.

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

My family never makes their pension either.

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

I couldn’t, believe it.

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

I will be 64.

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

My mum and dad in the seventies!

I don,t even have a pension.

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

They are buried together, in the same grave..

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

We were not on the streets..

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

I was 9 years of age.

But ive been too sick for many years..

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

Why did i forgive my father ?

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

I waited trembling.

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

She wouldn,t have been !

So whats the point in blame.

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

I write beautiful poetry .

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

She married twice! .

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

He knew the spot.

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

Im still living with it.

He was dying to do it , i knew.

One cannot live in the past .

I said to her

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

Ive learnt so much.

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

Who then, do I blame.?

I had hoped to write a book about this .

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

This is soul school!.

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

She found it foreign!.

On the 31st of Jan this month .

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

I think the readers, may guess!

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

And who doesn’t know suffering?

Where the ultimate outsiders.

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

The only rule us 5 kids had .

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

I did it because my mum asked me too!

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

My life is so biszare .

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

(And it was in our own minds.)

I could never make a relationship work though!

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

And i lived it daily.

I have no regrets .

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

Especially a lifetime of it.

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

Put me off passion for life!!

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

I was very sick at this time too.

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

This is how, and why children get BPD.

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

It was going to be , some day.

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

I know ,a lot about trauma.

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

She loved him until the end.

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

He resisted the act ,that day.

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

We all went to grammer schools

I was scared of men, in general

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

What did i know ?

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

But it wasn’t much.

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

Im dying but, im not bitter.